


Would whoever has my voodoo doll please give it back?

by Goose_Goddess



Series: Goose's Whumptober 2020 [8]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:49:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26940922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Goose_Goddess/pseuds/Goose_Goddess
Summary: A look at how Spider-man and Deadpool become friends.Or 5 times Spider-man gets hurt, and one time it's Deadpool's turn.
Series: Goose's Whumptober 2020 [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1949830
Kudos: 8





	1. No 10. THEY LOOK SO PRETTY WHEN THEY BLEED (Blood Loss | Trail of Blood)

Spider-man landed on the roof of a building to catch his breath. He looked over the edge at the hordes of flying bots zooming around and thought that maybe it was time to retire. He could move down to Florida. Or maybe Arizona. No more winters full of slush. No more toxic fumes from far too many cars packed into too narrow streets. And no more attacks from crazy scientists with a grudge against everyone. Apparently, the current one had a grudge against automation and had built an army of what looked like flying roombas to prove how dangerous robots were. What was it about New York that pushed so many people over the edge?

Then he sighed. He couldn’t retire yet, he hadn’t even finished his Master’s degree. At least this battle was more interesting than usual. Normally when he fought with the Avengers, no one even replied to his jokes and quips except Hawkeye. But there was some new hero in town named Deadpool who talked even more than he did. Deadpool had completely ignored any recommendations from Cap who was trying to manage the fight and had just followed Spider-man around wherever he went. Cap had thrown his arms up and muttered something about wondering why he’d even tried telling the idiot what to do.

Spider-man grinned, and swung back down toward the street, webbing bots up as he passed them. Deadpool was on the street below, taking out bots with terrifying speed. Spider-man was used to seeing good shooting, he’d often been in battles with Clint and Natasha, and they were both world class. But Deadpool was on a whole new level. And unlike the deadly duo Spider-man was used to working with, Deadpool wasn’t quiet. Currently, the man was singing what sounded like _Shake it Off_.

Deadpool yelled, “Hiya Spidey! Lookin good” when Spider-man swung past him. Spider-man just waved. He was up high enough that he’d only heard the man because of his enhanced hearing.

Spider-man had noticed that his spider sense never warned him when he passed the man; his aim was amazing if his spider sense never felt the need to worry about bullets around the man. In fact, Spider-man found himself just going after bots and not worrying about where Deadpool was; not something he did around Natasha or Clint. Which really made little sense; they had amazing aim, and he still got warned not to cross their current lines of fire. He wondered if Deadpool had some sense like his that warned him if something was going to be in his line of fire before it was. Whatever it was, Spider-man appreciated it because someone had decided that adding blades to roombas was a wonderful idea, and he needed to keep his entire attention on them to keep from getting slashed.

The battle dragged on. And even having Deadpool to keep him entertained wasn’t enough. He was tired of bots and just wanted to head home and have the rest of the cereal he had, watch crappy TV, and go to bed early. But, instead, here he was spending his evening swinging around New York shooting webs at crappy little drones with knives. 

Someone was yelling. He turned his head and saw Deadpool waving both hands over his head and yelling something. He couldn’t make out what the man was saying, so he started to swing back in that direction, wondering what was going on. 

Suddenly a jolt when through his system. Usually, his spider sense gave him a direction, but this time he couldn’t tell where the danger was coming from. He looked around frantically, trying to get a fix on the danger, but saw nothing other than several bots flying towards him. Then he was falling. He frantically tried to catch himself, but again his web was cut and the ground was approaching fast. All his webs were doing was slowing down his fall. Then the pavement hit him. Hard. And everything went black.

******

Deadpool watched in horror as the webbed hero kept throwing webs out to catch himself. Someone had clearly given these bots new instructions, or they were learning, because they ignored the hero and kept going after his webs. He was too far to even shoot at the things. And then he hit the ground. He wanted to run and help the hero, but as he hit the ground, all the bots in the area immediately zoned in on Deadpool and he was too busy stopping the stabby mcstabbersons to get to the hero immediately.

He growled and focussed on taking out every single one of the idiot flying roombas. Apparently, whoever programmed them had given them a modicum of self preservation, because after he’d taken down everything within his range, they stopped appearing. 

He turned a big circle, looking around, and didn’t see any more. He figured he should regroup with the other heros and see what needed to be done, or if there were other areas that needed his help, but… Eh. He wasn’t a hero. He didn’t have to do the “right” thing. He could do what he wanted and go see if Spidey needed help.

He ran to where he’d seen the red and blue guy fall, but there wasn’t anyone there. He looked around, no one around. And he had heard no cars or people, so no one had come in and grabbed the man. Frowning, he looked all around, examining the ground. Until White reminded him that Spidey rarely traveled on the ground, when he also examined the surrounding walls. He found a blood trail along the edges of one building. It looked like Spidey wasn’t swinging, but he was climbing along the walls.

He rushed after the trail, following spots and splatters of blood marking the walls. When it went too high, he used a grappling hook to pull himself up until he found the trail continuing on the roofs. He kept an eye out for more bots, but apparently the last wave that had taken Spidey down had been the end. He traveled a lot further than he expected; Spider-man might be injured, but he was still moving faster and further than was probably safe considering the amount of blood being left behind. 

Then, he spotted a blue and red heap on the next roof. He leaped across to the next roof and found the webbed hero curled in a ball in the middle, not moving.

“Spidey.” He called quietly. “You okay? That looked like quite a fall. And you’re leaving quite the bread crumb trail behind you. You know bread crumbs are really a much better trail. Leaving blood is both a biological hazard and not so good for you.” Deadpool said, working his way over to the body. 

Spider-man didn’t move. Deadpool dropped to his knees next to the man and put an arm on his shoulder. “Hey, Spidey, you’d make me feel a lot better if you said something.” He looked over the man quickly. He had several scrapes and bloody spots, probably from hitting the pavement. And there was a small pool of blood forming under him. “I know this is rather forward of me, and normally I’d be all about waiting for consent, but I really need to see where this blood’s coming from. So I’m going to roll you over now.” He pulled gently on the man’s shoulder and rolled him onto his back. Then sucked his breath in noisily. “Okay. Well, looks like you landed on something sharp when you fell, and that’s pretty nasty looking.” He looked over the hero. “And…. I’m going to guess, based on the fact that everyone at Shield was whining about not knowing who you are, that your secret identity is a big deal for you. So. We’re not going to Shield, and I have no idea if you trust the Avengers. So that leaves me and my safe house.” He scooped the hero up, thinking over what was closest versus what was best supplied. “Okay. We’ve got a way to go, so no time like the present to leave.”

He kept to the roofs for most of the way. It was easier to travel when you didn’t have to walk around things and could see where you were heading. And it wasn’t like he wasn’t used to jumping from roof to roof while carrying a lot of equipment. It’s just, usually he was carrying a duffel bag of weapons and ammo, not a hero who was hopefully not bleeding out.

The safe house he took Spider-man to was one of the nicer ones, and he knew he had a decent first aid kit in there because Weasel had set the house up. Weasel always forgot that Wade didn’t need them and just followed his guidelines for all the other guys he worked with. Fortunately, since it had enough gauze and suture equipment for him to clean and stitch Spider-man up. Then, since the hero was still unconscious, he lay him down on the couch, head elevated a bit, and sat down to wait. 

*****

Spider-man woke up with a pain in his side that was horrible. He lifted his hand to his head and realized his mask was still on. That wasn’t good. He always tried to take it off before he fell asleep. One time he’d twisted it around when he fell asleep in full costume and woke up thinking he was being wrapped up in his own webs. He grabbed the edge and started to pull it off, but someone else grabbed his hands and stopped him.

“Hey there, Spidey. Heard Patches complaining that they couldn’t figure out who you are, so I’m guessing you keep your identity secret. So no outing yourself accidentally, okay?” 

“Where am I? Who are you?” Spider-man asked, confused. That voice sounded vaguely familiar, but he couldn’t identify it.

“Deadpool here. Do you remember anything?” Deadpool. That’s right. He was the new hero he’d met when they were fighting bots. 

“We were fighting the Doombas.” He said.

“Were you calling them that too? Those creepy things reminded me so much of that meme! Anyway, they were apparently smarter than your average roomba, though. Or someone changed their programming on the fly, cause they started cutting your webs. You ended up falling hard. And I think you landed on one of the downed Doombas, you ended up with a nasty gash in your side.” Deadpool ducked his head. “I was dealing with a bunch of them myself, and by the time I could come after you, you’d taken off. Had to hunt you down to make sure you were okay. Found you up on a roof, so I brought you here and patched you up. Should I have taken you to Shield? White seemed pretty convinced you wouldn’t want to go to Shield unconscious.”

“White?” Spider-man asked, confused. Then he was suddenly panicking again. He’d been unconscious, and this man had hauled him who-knows-where. “No. Did you take my mask off?” He tried to keep his voice steady, but it was hard.

“If I took your mask off, would I be stopping you from taking it off now?” Deadpool asked, sounding reasonable.

“If you wanted me to think you didn’t know who I was, you might.” Spider-man replied nervously.

“Really? What kind of people do you deal with?” Deadpool sounded hurt. “No, I didn’t take your mask off, for the same reason I didn’t take you to Shield when you couldn’t tell me it was okay. It’s your identity, and you get to decide who knows.”

Spider-man looked at the hero. “Sorry. I’ve had a few bad experiences.” He shrugged. “I should expect better of a hero, but…” 

Deadpool snorted. “I’m no hero, babe.”

“But… You were fighting the Doombas with us.”

“Yeah, no. I’m a Merc. I was in town helping Shield out with a job. Just because I’m not a hero doesn’t mean I’m going to let actual bad guys take out the city every time they get their panties in a bunch.” He thrust out his hand. “Deadpool, or if you prefer, you can call me Wade.”

“Oh.” Spider-man didn’t really know how to react, then took his hand gingerly and shook. “I’m Spider-man. Thanks for helping me out, and for not, you know, taking my mask off.” It was weird. Deadpool didn’t pressure him to reveal his identity like the Avengers. He claimed he wasn’t a hero. Yet he was dressed like a hero. He was going to have to do some research after this.

“No problem!” Deadpool answered, sounding cheerful. “I’m a huge fan. Both of you and that ass.”

“What?” Spider-man looked at him, confused.

Deadpool laughed. “You’re adorable. So.” He clapped his hands together. “Healing good or normal human?”

Spider-man looked down at his side. “Still hurts a lot, but I heal a lot faster than a normal human. Broken bones fix in a day or two. This should be healed before too much longer.” To his surprise, Deadpool broke out laughing. “What?”

“Well, that may be better than normal, but that’s nothing on me.” The Merc laughed. “Broken bones fix in a few minutes. Takes a few hours to regrow a limb though.”

Spider-man stared at him. “Re-regrow a limb? You’ve done that before? What?” Was this guy serious? And broken bones in minutes? What he wouldn’t give for that ability!

“Yeah. It happens sometimes in my line of work. So, I’m guessing if you have super healing, you are also super hungry.” 

Spider-man looked away, nervously. He was starving, but it really wasn’t fair to dump his appetite on someone else. “I’ll be fine, I’ll get something to eat when I get home.”

“Nope.” Deadpool said. “We’re going to order pizza and watch TV until I think you’re ready to swing home.”

Deadpool ordered enough pizzas to feed about twenty normal humans and they polished off all of them while watch crappy TV. It was nice. Full for the first time in ages, and with someone who had, as far as he could tell, no hidden agenda, Spider-man relaxed and enjoyed himself. And after Deadpool deemed him healthy enough to swing, he headed home and slept well for once.


	2. No 11. PSYCH 101 (Defiance | Struggling)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drugged and no powers. Is Spider-man doomed to look bad in front of that new guy in town?

After meeting Deadpool, Spider-man shouldn’t have been surprised when three different Avengers and a representative of Shield just happened to bump into him while he was out patrolling. Clint, at least, had the honesty to look embarrassed when he gave him the speech about how Deadpool was dangerous, morally ambiguous, and would do anything for money, and that it would be best if Spider-man avoided the Merc whenever possible. And to reiterate, again, that they couldn’t protect him out of the costume because they didn’t know who he was. So to protect himself and his loved ones, he would be better off joining them.

Most of the approaches he just thanked for their concern and said he’d keep it in mind, before excusing himself to continue his patrol. Though internally, he was snorting to think of Stark or Shield “keeping his information safe” when so much of the tech used by villains to attack New York was stolen from one of them. 

Clint was the last to approach him, and had found him on the top of a building, sitting with his legs over the edge and debating where to head next on his patrol. When Clint finished his little speech, Spider-man just looked up at him and said. “That’s bullshit.”

Clint sighed and sat down on the edge of the building next to Spider-man. “Well, parts of it are true.”

Spider-man nodded. “When I met him, I ended up injured and out cold on a roof. He brought me to a safe house and patched me up. He never took off my mask, never pushed me to reveal my identity, and he helped that day for free. I know. I asked around. If he was just an amoral Merc who did anything for money, he would have taken off my mask, or followed me home. And he wouldn’t have helped out with the Doombas.” He looked off thoughtfully. “I’m not sure what he is, but he’s not what you and the other Avengers are trying to convince me he is.”

Clint nodded. “No, you’re right. He does have a moral code. It just doesn’t line up with what certain people like. And he’s never going to go along with someone just because they’re the ones in charge.” He shrugged. “Personally, I like working with him. He’s good, and he’s funny.”

“What about the rest of the Avengers?” Spider-man asked, curious.

Clint laughed. “Stark hates him, because Deadpool always insults him. Cap gets frustrated any time you even mention his name. Natasha doesn’t like working with him because he won’t stick to a plan. Oddly enough, though, Hulk seems to like him.” He glanced over at Spider-man. “Not sure why. Might be because Deadpool seems to turn everything into a game.”

“And from what I’ve seen, all of them use Deadpool when they don’t want to risk someone else, or when it’s something too dirty for them.” Spider-man said, thinking back over the jobs he’d seen assigned to Deadpool. Oh, yeah, did he mention Stark’s system was easy to hack? 

Clint nodded. “It’s useful to have someone who can’t die for suicide missions; not only can you take out the target, you can get a report after the fact.”

Spider-man looked at him. “You use him, and then you insult him for the flexible morals that make him useful. That makes you a bunch of hypocrites or extremely blind and stupid.”

Clint looked at him. “You like him.” He stated.

Spider-man frowned and shook his head. “I don’t know what I think about him. So far, the only ones who are showing their character are your team. All I saw of Deadpool is someone who helped me out without wanting anything in return, and who is an amazing shot. I haven’t seen him again since I left his safe house after he patched me up.” Spider-man was surprised to find out he was rather disappointed about that. He’d much have preferred seeing more Deadpool than all these ‘accidental’ meetings with people warning him about the man.

“Look.” Clint said. “You didn’t hear this from me, but Deadpool has a lot of issues. He’s got voices in his head, horrible self esteem, a tendency to throw himself headfirst into danger, and a really flexible sense of morality. But he’s loyal to a fault. If you’re his friend, he’ll never give up on you. He’s died for his friends more than once. Just be careful.” The man scrambled to his feet.

“Are you going to be the last one?” Spider-man asked, looking up.

Clint smiled. “Yeah, I’ll tell Stark and the others to leave you alone. Though I can’t promise that Cap won’t say something the next time he sees you.”

Spider-man nodded and looked back out over the city. “It was getting a little entertaining seeing what excuses they came up with to explain why they just happened to be where they found me.”

“Well, I’m sure you can find something else to keep you entertained.” Clint laughed and called over his shoulder as he made his way to the door leading to the stairs down from the roof.

*****

Clint kept his word; after he talked to Spider-man, no one else stopped by using the dangerous Merc as a recruiting tool. He still hadn’t seen the Merc again, which was disappointing. From the way everyone had warned him, he’d been expecting to run into the Merc all the time. He was tempted to go looking for Clint, to see if he had any idea where the man was, but decided he didn’t want to give anyone an excuse to nag him to join again. So he just kept an eye open while patrolling, looking for a red suit.

It was two months later before he ran into the Merc again, and again, it was not when he looked his best.

He’d been investigating rumors of a drug trade involving some terrifying new street drug. They were using it as a powerful date rape drug and in several robberies. 

Unfortunately, the rumors had been a setup. He found himself surrounded when he arrived at the location. Dodging bullets isn’t too bad when there are a few shooting at you. When bullets are flying from every side, it’s almost impossible. So he didn’t try. He held his hands up in front of him and hoped he’d get a chance later to get away. “So, what’s going on here?” He asked cheerfully. “I clearly have the wrong address. Was just trying to deliver a singing telegram. Apparently someone here really hates them?”

No one answered, or even moved for several seconds. Then a man waved at several others and they approached from multiple sides, guns on him.

He glanced up. The ceiling was too low to web out of reach. He’d have to wait and see what was going on.

A sharp pain in his neck startled him badly. His spider sense had been going off so badly all the men with guns that he had gotten no warning of the syringe the man held. Whatever they injected him with felt like ice running through his veins. It spread rapidly until his entire body felt cold and weak. It left him shaking badly, and more than a little terrified. “Hey, it’s not nice to give people drugs without warning them.” He said, appalled at how shaky his voice sounded.

“He’s ready.” The man said. The men lowered their guns. The two closest to Spider-man reached out to grab him. Taking advantage of the lowered guns, Spider-man used his web shooters to hit the ceiling and swing up. And barely lifted off the ground. The men grabbing him easily pulled him back. He tried to pull away, but found he wasn’t able to. They held him easily.

“Well, I see you’ve figured out the drug’s effects.” The man gloated. “It does a wonderful job of canceling out your mutated genes, doesn’t it? Unfortunately, we haven’t been able to make it permanent yet, but we will. In the meantime, you’ll find you’re back to ordinary human at this point. Okay. Load him up.”

The men hustled Spider-man between them into a van where they tied him down securely before they closed the doors, leaving him alone in the back of the van. He couldn’t hear anything outside of the van, and yanking at the straps only made his arms and legs hurt. Groaning, he lay back. Now what. He just had to hope his healing factor would burn through the drug quickly and get him back to normal so he could escape.

He could just hear Stark now. “If you join the Avengers, this type of risk wouldn’t be a problem for you.” But the cost of not being alone was, at least to him, too high. They’d want to know every detail of his life, decide when and how he patrolled, and, based on their reaction to his talking to Deadpool, even who he was friends with. He’d seen the Avengers make a lot of bad decisions. He would not do everything their way just to make sure he always had backup. And now that he thought about it, how would they prevent this kind of thing from happening? For all he knew, they had the entire team tagged. He shuddered at the thought of that.

Well, you want to act as a solo vigilante; you took the risk of getting captured and no one coming to rescue you. Just meant you had to rescue yourself.

****

Deadpool was back in New York and looking forward to seeing Spider-man again. He had been crushing on the hero for ages. The last time he was here, he got to meet him and he was even more amazing in person. He’d also had a huge crush on Captain America, but that hadn’t survived five minutes of meeting the man. He was nice, but he also took his responsibilities way too seriously and obviously found Deadpool offensive.

<Spider-man talked to us. He _thanked_ us.> Yellow gushed.

[He’s just polite.] White replied drily.

“Yeah, but he didn’t have to say anything, and he still thanked us.” Deadpool told them. “Now hush, I want to get out of here so we can go look for Spidey.” He was following some Hydra goons, trying to find some information for Shield. Hydra was in New York for something, and Shield had asked him to look into it.

<Shield’s been keeping us away from Spidey.> Yellow commented.

“No, they just needed us down in South America.” Deadpool said, trying to get close enough to hear what was going on below.

[Really?] White asked. [They needed you to deliver a package? They have actual couriers to do that kind of thing. I think Yellow’s got a point.]

“They did give me quite a long lecture about keeping away from Spidey.” Deadpool noted, finding a spot he could hide and hear the conversation below. “Now hush.”

“They’re bringing in the first test subject now.” First Hydra agent said. 

“Any good abilities?” Second Hydra agent asked.

“Yeah, super strength, climbing, healing. All around excellent candidate.” First Hydra agent replied.

[I think they’re talking about Spider-man.] White observed.

<Spider-man? A test subject? That’s not good!> Yellow screeched. <We have to save him.>

Deadpool winced. “We have to find out where first.” He pointed out, hoping to stop Yellow’s screeching. Yellow instantly went quiet.

Unfortunately, the goons were now talking about some football game and that did not help Deadpool at all. He debated just waiting, but knew Yellow didn’t have the patience for that, and suddenly he really didn’t care why Hydra was here, he just wanted to know why and where they had Spider-man.

Sighing, he decided he really only had one option at this point.

He jumped down between Agent One and Agent Two. He slammed Two in the head with his weapon, knocking the idiot out. Then he grabbed One by the hair, yanking his weapon away and throwing it across the room.

“Hey. Heard you talking about a friend of mine. So I’m going to ask nicely one time. Where is the test subject getting delivered?” Deadpool shook the man firmly. “Now, just so we’re clear, you don’t tell me what I need to know and I kill you. And by kill you, I mean start cutting off pieces until you die.”

It didn’t take long; he didn’t even get to cut anything off before the man was confessing. Hydra really needed to change their recruitment process. 

But he couldn’t complain too much. He now knew they did, in fact, capture Spider-man, and knew where they were taking him. He just hoped he’d be in time to save the man from damage or exposure.

****

Spider-man was still without his powers when the van pulled into the basement garage of a tall building in Manhattan. It surprised him they were keeping him within the city; he’d expected to be dragged into some abandoned warehouse out in the country.

He was mainly furious that he didn’t have his strength. He’d be out of here and beyond their reach in seconds if he could web away. But here he was getting dragged out of the van and towards an elevator. He decided he wasn’t going to just put up with this, though. He was going to fight, even if it meant he ended up black and blue. So he did. No super strength? Okay, he’d fight dirty then. He bit. He head butted. He kicked and scratched and screamed.

It didn’t stop them, since there were more of them, but it meant their progress towards the elevator slowed down a lot. On the other hand, he was getting bruised and banged up, and he wasn’t sure how long he was going to be able to keep fighting.

Then, the man holding him fell down. And no one else grabbed him. He stood there, shocked. Not sure what happened. All the men were on the ground. He stared around in shock. He knew he wasn’t able to knock that many people out. And many of them were bleeding. He didn’t do that.

“You okay, Spidey?” Someone asked.

He spun frantically, looking for the new enemy. And saw Deadpool.

“Pool?” He asked. “What are you doing here?” His chest was heaving, and he was having a hard time breathing.

“I was doing some recon for Shield and heard they planned on grabbing you and doing some tests. Now, I don’t know about you, but I really dislike being experimented on. So I figured I’d come down and make sure you really wanted to be here. And well, seemed to me based on how hard you were fighting, that you really weren’t down with the poking and prodding.”

“They drugged me.” Spider-man gasped. “Lost my powers.”

“Well, that sucks. I have to say I really enjoy watching that ass climb walls.” Deadpool said, slowly walking closer. “Do we need to get you an antidote?”

Spider-man shook his head. “I don’t think so. They said it wasn’t permanent yet.”

Deadpool nodded. “Okay. That’s good. But how about this? I take you back to my safe house, leave you there and come do some snooping to see what I can find out about what they gave you. Not permanent could mean a lot of things.”

Spider-man sighed. “Yeah, you’re right.”

Deadpool dropped him off at a different safe house than the first time. This one had an actual security system. “It’ll zap anyone who tries to get in without the code.” Deadpool told him. “So you’ll be safe while I’m gone. You sure you don’t want me to drop you off with the Avengers?”

Spider-man shook his head. “No. I trust your system more than them.”

Deadpool looked at him for a few minutes, then shrugged. “Okay. Well, I’ll be back as quick as I can. Try not to worry too much.”

It felt like Deadpool was gone for ages. And Spider-man had nothing to do other than worry about what would happen if the drug didn’t wear off. On the one hand, no one knew who Spider-man was, so if he just went back to his ordinary life he’d be safe. On the other hand, without Spider-man, many people were going to get hurt. He ended up spending most of the time just staring out a window or watching crappy TV.

However, it was only a few hours later when Deadpool returned. He confirmed what Spider-man had overheard. The toxin only latest about 24 hours, so Spider-man only had to wait it out. He also stole the formula. “Not sure if this is of any use.” He said, handing over a thumb drive. “But thought it can’t hurt.”

“Could come in very useful.” Spider-man told him. “I’ll take a look at the makeup when I get into the lab. Maybe start on an antidote in case anyone runs into this again.”

Deadpool tilted his head. “Spider-man is a science nerd?” 

Spider-man shrugged. “Kind of. I’m working on my Master’s in BioChem and Comp Sci.”

“Major Nerd.” Deadpool shrugged. “Kind of figured it. You seem like the smart kind. So. What do you want to do while we wait for the drug to wear off?”

“Pizza and a movie marathon?” Spider-man asked.

“A Spider after my own heart!” Deadpool said, clasping his hands together. “Let’s do it!”


	3. No 12. I THINK I’VE BROKEN SOMETHING (Broken Bones)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rhino and bones are not a good mix; the man can shatter steel. What hope do bones have?

Before Spider-man left Deadpool’s safe house, after he’d been rescued, he asked for Deadpool’s number. After a few minutes of shocked staring, Deadpool rushed to give him the information, and told him to text or call anytime. 

Spider-man just laughed, and texted Deadpool so he’d have Spider-man’s number, too. “Let me know next time you’re in town. Maybe you can show me that place you keep telling me about, with the great tacos.” He said before swinging back home.

Having Deadpool text you was entertaining. He’d go for days without a word, then one afternoon he’d send pictures or memes for hours. For his part, and not wanting to give away too much about his life out of the suit, Spider-man mostly sent pictures he took while patrolling. Interesting signs, street performers, or New Yorkers being New Yorkers. 

He also found he was running into Deadpool more often. Once or twice a week he’d see the Merc walking around the city. A few times he saw him during the day, while he was being Peter. He had to remind himself that _Peter_ didn’t know Deadpool, and he really couldn’t just walk up and say “hi.”

Deadpool declared that Tuesdays were now officially Taco Tuesdays and started showing up every Tuesday, bringing tacos from a different restaurant or food truck. When Spider-man complained that there had to be more good restaurants in the city than Mexican, Deadpool just groaned. Spider-man didn’t argue too much, struggling college students didn’t argue with free food. Deadpool always brought enough food to feed a small army, or two enhanced humans, so at least one night each week he was full.

They had a lot of ridiculous conversations while eating together. And every once in a while, they talked about something more important. It never lasted long; neither of them liked serious conversations.

He asked Deadpool why he was around so much one night. 

“Didn’t have any reason to be here before.” Deadpool answered. “I’ve been trying to go more legit now, so doing more jobs for Shield.” He shrugged. “Plus, I like Taco Tuesdays.”

Spider-man laughed. “You know you don’t have to change for me.” 

Deadpool tilted his head and looked at him. “You don’t care if I kill people?” He sounded more than a little doubtful.

Spider-man shrugged. “You said you do research, and you’re sure they deserve it. Do I think it’s the right solution? No. I think everyone deserves a second chance. But I’m not an idiot. I know sometimes I’m webbing up the same guys over and over again.” 

Deadpool looked off into the distance. “Not what I expected you to say.”

One time Deadpool asked him why he hadn’t ever joined Shield or the Avengers. 

“I know they’re both trying to recruit you.” Deadpool observed. “Can’t say I blame them, that ass would be a great addition to any team.”

“Would you quit it with the comments on my rear?” Spider-man slapped his shoulder. 

“What is with you? You can’t even say ass!” Deadpool laughed.

“I don’t like to swear in the suit. Too many kids like me.” He shrugged. He took a few bites of his taco, trying to get his thoughts in order. “I don’t like the way Shield and the Avengers seem to handle the team members they have.” He said finally.

“What? A floor in Stark Tower doesn’t float your boat?” 

“Sure, it’d be nicer than my apartment. But when you’re expected to live there, eat there, and work there, it’s… I don’t know. I keep my personal life and my hero life separate. Shield and the Avengers would want to have both. And neither group is really interested in the little guy.” 

“But you’d be helping with big issues.” Deadpool said. “Isn’t that what heroes want to do? Make a difference?”

“Big issues already have lots of help and get lots of attention. No one pays attention to the people getting mugged on the subway, or raped on the way home from the bar.”

“Well,” Deadpool said. “If you don’t have them for backup, you can always call on me.”

Spider-man turned and looked at him. “Really?”

Deadpool shrugged. “I have a bit of a thing about bullies. You need help, I’ll be there.”

So, yeah, Deadpool was now a friend. Who was he kidding? Deadpool was his best friend. He didn’t want to sound pitiful, so he wouldn’t admit that Deadpool might well be his _only_ friend. 

And that explained why he was currently trying to call Deadpool, where he’d collapsed at the end of the alley with what he was pretty sure was a broken hand. He knew his other arm was broken—it was hard to miss, what with the bone actually _protruding from his body_. He needed help, and the only one he could think of who might be able to help was Deadpool. 

*****

The evening had started out peacefully. It had been so peaceful, in fact, he’d been taking photos to send to Deadpool when he’d heard a scream, followed by several others. 

He got to the area where he heard the noise and found Rhino tearing up the street. Fortunately, most of the civilians had already fled the area, but Rhino was making a mess, throwing cars and slamming into walls. Several Police cars had arrived, but the officers were watching from behind their vehicles; from experience they knew shooting Rhino had almost no effect—his armor was resistant to almost any weapon. 

Spider-man groaned. He really disliked fighting with Rhino. For one thing, the man hit _hard_. And for another thing, he felt bad for him. Other crooks were constantly talking him into doing stupid things. They got him to do their dirty work or create a distraction. He hoped tonight wasn’t a distraction situation, because he couldn’t leave Rhino to continue rampaging. The police couldn’t handle it on their own. 

He swung past the police and waved. He got several waves back and a few thumbs up. They were always glad when he showed up to help with Rhino. Once he got the man webbed up, they could get his suit off and get him locked up. Until then, all they could do is try to keep him contained and evacuate all bystanders.

Well, step one. Get Rhino’s attention. Spider-man swung behind Rhino and slammed into the back of his head with both feet. He didn’t bother pulling back; but still all he did was make the man stutter step for a second. Then Rhino roared and turned to face him. By then, Spider-man had swung past and landed on a wall. Rhino spun again, spotted Spider-man, and charged. 

Spider-man didn’t wait; he knew better than to let Rhino hit him. Best thing was to keep dodging and web him up. He swung past again and shot a web towards the mechanized suit. 

Apparently you can teach an old dog new tricks. Instead of spinning and charging again, Rhino grabbed his web and pulled. Spider-man was yanked out of the air and back towards him, slamming into the ground hard. 

Spider-man scrambled to his feet and barely got into the air before Rhino was on him. Rhino’s head slammed into his hip, sending him spinning crazily before he got control again. Wincing, he landed on another wall and looked to see where Rhino was. Which was… charging at him.

Spider-man swung off the wall quickly, a little wider this time. He shot quickly, webbing from Rhino to the ground, leaving nothing for the man to grab.

The web stretched and snapped. But he could do it, he just couldn’t wrap the man up like he usually did, he was going to have to just web the man to himself. 

Swinging back and forth quickly, he shot section after section of web, first fastening the man’s legs together. Once Rhino seemed to not be able to walk, Spider-man stopped on a wall to reevaluate.

Okay. So Rhino was stuck in one place, but the cops still couldn’t get close, since his arms were free. Now for the arms…

He swung out and repeated his approach, trying to use a segment of web to fasten one arm to his body. Rhino swung his arm out, though, so only one end of the web attached to him. Then Rhino swung his arm again, and the other end of the web swung out and wrapped around Spider-man. Seconds later, he was flying past Rhino and right into a wall. He felt a snap in his arm, and some serious pain. Not giving himself time to consider it, he swung with his other arm and used the injured one to try to web up Rhino. This time he was more successful. Just had to repeat that another fifty or so times. When there wasn’t anyone else…

He got Rhino tied up with only one more slam into the wall. And maybe knocking Rhino over after was a little petty, but he wasn’t feeling exactly friendly at the moment. He landed near the man, and watched as the police swarmed over him, removing his armor then loading him into a reinforced van. 

One officer came up to Spider-man “You okay Spidey? Looks like he slammed you pretty hard a few times.”

“I’ll be fine.” He replied, gritting his teeth. He just had to stick around until they had him in the van, then he could go off somewhere and collapse. 

“Okay. If you need anything, a ride, an ambulance, just wave. Okay?”

He nodded and waved with his uninjured arm as the officer jogged back. They had Rhino’s suit off and were loading him now. Just a few more minutes, just until that door closed…

When the van door slammed closed, Spider-man webbed himself away. He didn’t make it too far. He knew the one arm was broken. What he hadn’t realized was just how badly he’d hurt the other hand. He lost his grip on his web and crash landed in an alley. Which is when the simple break in his arm must have turned into a compound break. 

He got his phone out of the hidden pocket and finally managed to press the number to call Deadpool. He really hoped the man was serious when he said he’d be there for backup.

“Hey Spidey! What’s up? Can’t wait until Tuesday and in the mood for tacos?” Deadpool’s voice was cheerful.

“Pool. Need some help. Said you’d be backup. Kind of need you.” Spider-man said.

“What’s that, Spidey? I can barely hear you.” Deadpool’s voice had gone cold and serious.

“Need help.” Spider-man repeated. 

“Okay. Where are you?” Deadpool asked.

“Not sure. Was helping the police with Rhino. Fell in an alley.” Spider-man repeated. “Broke my arm.”

“Okay. I’m on my way. Good thing your fans are so good about posting your sightings. Twitter’s got you flagged. I’m going to call a cab and I’ll be there as fast as I can.”

“Kay.” Spider-man said, then heard the line disconnect. He debated sitting up, but he wasn’t sure quite how he’d do that with one arm broken and the other hand a mess. So he just stayed where he was, curled in a heap. And hoped no one found him before Deadpool got there.

Deadpool was there in less than half an hour. Spider-man decided he didn’t want to know how many laws he’d broken, he was just glad he was there.

“Holy shit, kid. What happened?” Deadpool asked, gently examining his arms and legs. “Definitely broken, gonna be a bitch to reset. Did he stamp on your hand here?”

“He grabbed it when I was trying to web him up and crushed it. Tip for you, never shake hands with that man.” Spider-man winced.

“How come you look this bad? You’ve webbed him up before and it was no problem. What went wrong?” Deadpool rolled him carefully onto his back. “Gonna pick you up now. Cab’s waiting and gonna take us to my place.”

“He figured out a new trick. When I webbed him, he grabbed it and swung me into things. Wouldn’t work for normal people, but he’s strong.”

Deadpool nodded, scooping the hero up. “That he is. But Spidey, people normally call backup when they need help with a fight, not to pick up the pieces afterwards. Why didn’t you call me sooner?”

“I didn’t think it was going to be a problem.” Spider-man said. “By the time I knew I was in trouble, there was no way to call and no time for you to get there. Was too busy trying not to get pulverized.”

“Fair enough.” Deadpool said, walking down the alley carefully. “However, you might want to look at setting up a headset to your phone so you can call quicker.”

“Good idea.” Spider-man winced. He knew Deadpool was doing what he could, but every step was jarring and grinding the ends of his bone. 

“We need to set that as soon as possible, but first it needs to be cleaned. Can’t just shove it back in with who knows what on it.” Deadpool said. “I assume, as always, no hospitals?”

“Yeah, no hospitals.” Spider-man gritted out.

“Fine with me. I probably dislike them even more than you do.” Deadpool said. “Lucky for you, I had Weasel change my default to full combat medical kit. You need field surgery, I’m all set.”

“Do you even know what to do with all that stuff?” 

“Of course I do.” Deadpool laughed. “The military was very gungho on making sure we were all trained in combat first aid. Plus, I may have learned more just in case.”

“Just in case what?” Spider-man asked. “You can regrow limbs. What first aid do you need?”

“Yeah, but my friend doesn’t.” Deadpool said.

“Oh.” Spider-man looked at him in surprise. 

“You are my friend, aren’t you?” Deadpool asked, carefully arranging Spider-man in the seat. “Back where we started.” He said to the driver, then climbed into the car himself.

“Yeah. I think of you as my friend. I just hadn’t realized you considered us friends too.” Spider-man gritted his teeth and tried to brace himself in the seat with his legs, to keep his arm and hand from moving.

“Not sure which is better, slow and maybe no sliding or fast and just get it over with.” Deadpool said.

“I’m in favor of just getting it over with.” Spider-man groaned.

“Fast it is.” Deadpool leaned forward and said something to the driver, then leaned back and pulled Spider-man against him, bracing his legs and holding the other man firmly against his torso. “There. That should minimize your movement.”

Even with Deadpool’s help, the trip was agony. However, whatever Deadpool had told the drive certainly got him to pull out all the stops. Spider-man was just getting to the point where he was wishing he would pass out, when they pulled up in front of Deadpool’s safe house.

The trip up the stairs, and the arm setting were both something he hoped he forgot soon. Deadpool had given him a large dose of pain killer as soon as they arrived, but he was sure nothing short of total unconsciousness would have prevented that from hurting.

However, once the arm and fingers were set and in makeshift splints, the pain was down to a manageable level. He was drifting in and out of it, by that point. He needed to ask Deadpool what he’d dosed him with. Didn’t want to end up addicted to something on top of everything else. He could barely afford an addiction to caffeine.

At some point food appeared. With both of Spider-man’s arms unavailable, Deadpool cheerfully held slices of pizza so the hero could eat them. But he barely finished two slices. Deadpool poked at him until he woke up again and finished a large chocolate shake, because Deadpool insisted calories were critical. After that, when Spider-man fell asleep again, he let him sleep.

The next morning, Spider-man woke up starving, and with the pain at a more manageable level. His fingers would bend most of the way without hurting, but he figured he better leave the splint on for now. By lunch time they should be okay. 

His other arm was still sore, but the wound was mostly closed. And the pain was more a deep ache, like a bruise, instead of the sharp throbbing it had been the night before.

Deadpool was asleep on the other end of the couch, but there was pizza on the table, so he helped himself to some and just leaned back against the arm on his end of the couch. Maybe this having friends was a good thing.


	4. No 13. BREATHE IN BREATHE OUT (Delayed Drowning | Oxygen Mask)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spider-man vs. Hydro-man.

Spider-man wasn’t sure exactly how it happened, but sometime after the broken arm, Deadpool started showing up more often while he was patrolling. And then he started following him around. He cheerfully agreed to Spider-man’s rules that while patrolling with Spider-man he had to follow Spider-man’s no-killing approach, regardless of what he did on his own. Once he had that agreement, Spider-man realized he actually like patrolling with someone else. It wasn’t just when the fights were tough, but even when there was nothing going on. Having someone else around to talk to just made the whole thing more enjoyable.

Granted, they didn’t always agree. If it was up to Deadpool, they’d never eat anything but Mexican. But they came to a compromise where if Deadpool wanted to eat with Spider-man more than once a week, they had to alternate between Mexican and something else.

Probably trying to make Spider-man give up on insisting on other food, Deadpool started looking out for other ethnic foods. So they tried Ethiopian, Scandinavian, and all sorts of fusions. It made for interesting meals.

Deadpool stopped taking and jobs not from either Shield or the Avengers, even though Spider-man insisted he trusted the Merc’s decision on what jobs were good. Deadpool just shrugged and said that the other groups weren’t as trusting of him, and that as long as Deadpool was freelancing, they were going to pressure Spider-man to keep away.

Unfortunately, that meant many of his jobs were farther away, and took longer. So there were times when Deadpool was gone for days, or even weeks, at a time. While Spider-man kept patrolling without him, it really made him realize how much better it was when Deadpool was along.

And maybe he was getting a little depressed, because Deadpool had been out of town for three weeks on a long job. He’d been down in South America, and he texted a lot (and sent a lot of pictures.) But often he was out of range of cell service. He was going to be home later tonight, which meant Spider-man would see him tomorrow.

Tonight, he was headed down towards the docks. The police scanners were buzzing about some big water monster wreaking havoc there. Spider-man figured he’d go see if he could help. When he got closer, he started rushing. From what he could see, this villain had some power over water and was sending waves high enough he could see them from blocks away.

He knew it must be bad when a few of the policemen he passed cheered. 

He swung as close as he could, landing on some stacked shipping containers to see what was going on. The police had formed a barricade with cars and sand bags. They appeared to have contained the man to one section of the dock. But he was clearly pulling more water and was growing as they watched. Before too much longer, he’d be able to create waves big enough to wash away the police cars.

As it was, he was sending out balls of water that were hitting hard enough to shake the vehicles and knock the men back if they were hit directly.

Spider-man found quickly that his webs didn’t stick to the man; even though he was solid enough to be human shaped (just larger than human), his surface was too slick for webs to stick. And the guy didn’t appreciate having anything, even webs, thrown his direction. He responded by firing water balls back. Within minutes Spider-man was drenched. Then he got hit in the face and ended up choking and coughing on top of a shipping container, trying to catch his breath. His mask was soaked, making him feel like he was breathing through a wet sponge.

He briefly considered freezing the man, but enough dry ice or liquid nitrogen would be tough to get. And he was sure he wouldn’t be able to trick the guy into a freezer. So, something else… Maybe he could just splash the man into puddles and keep him a reasonable size?

He staggered to his feet, looking around. If his webs wouldn’t work, what else could he use… He webbed and swung a cement block at the man. His body just parted around it. Not expecting that, the block pulled Spider-man off balance. Staggering, he let go of the block and it slammed into a stack of sandbags, ripping one open and starting a small landslide of sand.

The villain immediately followed up with another ball of water fired at Spider-man, knocking him off the shipping container and into the sandbags, and half drowning him in the process. Coughing, he staggered to his feet just in time to see the villain striding towards him, lifting his arm to aim.

Webbing and grabbing the closest thing, Spider-man swung one of the heavy sandbags at the man, this time letting go. The sandbag passed right through the man. But it had been spilling sand behind it, and the sand spilled inside the man. Oddly enough, it didn’t pass right through. It just seemed to float in there like blobs of mud…

Spider-man grabbed another bag, ripping it open and threw the two halves at the man. This time, the greater part passed through, but any loose spilling sand again mixed in. Spider-man frowned. Okay. Maybe he could turn the man to gel. It would solidify him enough to use his webs…

While he was thinking, the man had turned back towards the water and was re-absorbing more water. Taking advantage of this, Spider-man swung over to the closest police car.

“Can you get some stuff from a hardware store?” He asked the officer hiding behind the car.

“We can try. What are you thinking?” The man asked.

“Best would be Sodium Polyacrylate.” Spider-man said. “They usually sell it as Spill Absorber. If they don’t have that, get cement mix. The sodium Polyacrylate is a lot lighter and will work faster, but I think quickcrete would do the same job. If we dump it on him, it should solidify him enough that I can web him up and you can lock him up.”

The officer nodded. “Okay. Let me see..” He crawled into the car and sent out a message over the radio, confirming the chemical name with Spider-man. “They’ll bring what they can.” He said. “Can you keep him busy until they get here?”

“I’ll do my best. Okay if I use up all those sandbags?” He asked, pointing at the nearby pile.

The officer shrugged. “If it keeps him busy, go for it.”

Spider-man swung back and did his best to keep the villain away from the water and away from the police. He flung ripped open bags of sand, threw blocks through the villain to splash water off, and annoyed the villain enough to keep him throwing balls of water back. Spider-man did his best to dodge the water balls. Unfortunately, several of them still hit him in the head, making him wonder if this is what water boarding would feel like.

Eventually he heard several sirens approaching, and someone was calling him on the bullhorn. He swung over, and found the officers making a stack of quickcrete bags, and a line of them pouring something from smaller containers into an empty bag.

One officer twisted the bag closed and held it up. Spider-man webbed the bag away from them and headed back to the villain. Deciding he needed to go all out here, Spider-man swung himself right at the villain. Just before he hit, he opened the bag he was carrying and started pouring.

Hitting the man was like landing in a swimming pool from the high dive; it hurt even as the surface broke and he went through. He concentrated on dumping everything in the bag and not breathing as he passed through, reached the end of his swing, and went backwards again through the man.

The second trip wasn’t as smooth. It was like being dragged through heavy mud. And by the time he was back on the shipping container, he could see that the man was looking more like a jelly monster than a water elemental. He swung out and tried webbing the man up. His webs still didn’t stick well, but if he wrapped them around, they’d stick to themselves, and the man was now firm enough to cocoon. 

While he was still working on the middle, wrapping the man’s arms against his torso, the police started opening bags of quickcrete and pouring them on the man’s legs. They were soon solid and seemed to stick themselves to the dock. That might be a problem getting him out of here, but it would certainly keep him from running around causing issues.

Spider-man landed and walked over to the Police officer who seemed in charge. “Think you can get him out of here?” He asked, then bent over coughing.

“Yeah. May have to chip him loose, but we should be good. You okay?” The officer asked.

Spider-man straightened up. “Yeah, just an awful lot of water to the face. Think I’m going to go home and dry off.”

The officer laughed. “Well, thank you. I’m not sure what we would have done without you. We never would have thought of turning him to gel. We were trying to figure out how to freeze him.”

Spider-man nodded. “That was my first thought, too. But we got him. Did he ever say who he was?”

“Apparently he calls himself Hydro-man.” The officer said. “Has some grudge against the city, blames us for him getting turned into that.” He shrugged. “We’ll turn him over to Shield and they can figure out who he is and how this happened.”

“Okay. I’m off for a date with a towel or three.” Spider-man said, looking down at the large puddle forming around his feet. He waved, then swung himself home. He was too tired and wet to want to spend any more time patrolling; he just hoped nothing else went wrong if he just dried off and went to sleep.

He really didn’t want to shower, the thought of more water creeped him out. However, he was positive that the water he had been drenched with wasn’t clean, so he forced himself into a quick shower and threw his suit into the washer. Then he dried off, threw his suit in the dryer, and crawled into bed. He was exhausted, shivering, and felt like he was coming down with a cold. Not surprising, considering what probably lived in that water.

He woke up the next day feeling even more like he had a cold, but his phone was blowing up with messages from Deadpool, who was back in town and insisted since it was Saturday they could do a movie marathon. Part of him wanted to beg off, but part of him wanted someone to cook for him and keep him company while he felt crappy. So he texted back that he’d be there in an hour, then dragged himself out of bed and swung his way over to Deadpool’s safe house.

Once he arrived, he was wondering if he’d made a mistake. He really felt awful. The trip over had used up all his energy, and he just wanted to collapse. He staggered through the window, mumbled a greeting to Deadpool, and staggered his way over to the couch. Where he promptly collapsed.

“You okay, Baby Boy?” Deadpool asked. His voice was that serious, concerned voice that meant something was wrong.

“Not sure” and Spider-man started coughing. He was coughing so hard, it was tough to breathe and he could feel himself getting light-headed. He was bent over, head between his knees, but it just wouldn’t stop. He could hear Deadpool asking him questions, trying to talk to him, but he couldn’t focus. Everything was getting fuzzy. And then everything went black.

******

He woke up again, chest aching horribly, and with his mask feeling funny. He reached up and found his mask was up over his nose, and some plastic thing was over his mouth and nose. He pulled at it, but hands pulled his hand down.

“Sorry, Baby Boy, but that stays on. You scared the shit out of me, and we’re not doing that again. Once I got you breathing, I did some research. Sounds like you might have inhaled a lot of water last night, if what the news says is true.”

Cautiously, Spider-man nodded.

“Well, sometimes when that happens, you end up with water in your lungs. Not enough to cause an issue right away, but it irritates the lungs and they swell and fill with more fluid. And if you’re not treated, you can end up drowning hours or days later.” Deadpool said. “You’ll be fine now, got you on oxygen. Should be enough that with your healing factor it can take care of the rest. If not, there’s a doctor we can get here who will immediately forget anything he saw.”

Spider-man looked at him and smiled. He wasn’t sure he could talk through the oxygen mask, but decided he needed to say something. “Thanks.” He said. 

“No problem!” The merc said. “Just glad you were here when it happened. I’d had to think of you passing out at home and no one being around to notice.”

Spider-man frowned. Deadpool had a point. And it was way beyond time he knew who Spider-man was out of the suit. He wondered what he’d think, though. Spider-man was amazing, but Peter was… Well, Peter was dull. Sighing, he decided it didn’t matter. Deadpool was a good friend. Even if he found Peter boring, he’d still be a good friend.

He reached up and pulled his mask all the way off, then looked at the Merc. “Hi. I’m Peter Parker.” He said, smiling through the oxygen mask.

Deadpool grinned. “Wade Wilson at your service.” He said, reaching out his hand and shaking Peter’s. Then his face fell. “I feel like I owe you this, but,” He glanced off to the side. “I’m nowhere near as cute as you are.” And keeping his face turned away, he pulled his mask off, too.

Peter had expected what he saw under the mask; they ate together often enough that he had seen the lower half of Wade’s face before. And the Avengers and Shield had been a little graphic in their descriptions of him. As if being scarred meant he was evil. But it wasn’t as bad as he expected. Well, it _was_ as bad as he expected; Wade was completely covered in scars. But somehow, it didn’t really matter. It was just his friend Deadpool. _Wade,_ he reminded himself.

So he smiled and said. “Nice to meet you, Wade. Thanks for being my friend.”


	5. No 14. IS SOMETHING BURNING? (Fire)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spidey and Pool vs. a Fire.

After his almost drowning, Spider-man found that Deadpool showed up to _every_ patrol. Not only was he turning down jobs with Shield just to patrol with Spider-man, he was following Peter to and from work. And worst of all, he was throwing himself in front of Spider-man in any fights when it looked like someone might actual hit him. 

Spider-man reached his limit after a month. He grabbed the Merc and dragged him to the top of a building after one fight, trying very hard to ignore all the comments coming from the man about how hot it was when he was manhandling Deadpool.

He tossed Deadpool onto the roof, and glared down at him, hands on his hips.

Deadpool sat up and sort of slumped, staring at his feet. “It’s too much, isn’t it?”

“If by too much you mean you jumping in front of me constantly, getting hurt for no reason at all, then yes.” Spider-man answered.

“It’s not for no reason.” Deadpool said, glancing up at him.

“It is. Because I wouldn’t get hurt, and by jumping in front of me, you _did_.” He squatted down so he was at the same height as Deadpool. He sighed and pulled his mask off. “Look, Wade. This is what I do. I know I got badly hurt a few times, but all you’re doing is getting yourself hurt and convincing me if I ever get hurt again, that I can’t go to you because you’ll fall apart.”

Deadpool pulled off his mask too, and stared down at it, turning it in his hands. “But I can’t die.” 

“I’ve been okay so far, and I am careful. And I do like having you help me out. But you have got to trust me to take care of myself.” Peter said. “Can you do that? Or am I going to go back to patrolling alone?”

“I’ll try.” Deadpool said. 

Peter stood up and held out his hand. “Good enough for me. Now, do you want to keep patrolling or should we grab some tacos and see what’s on?”

Wade held his hand out and let the smaller man pull him to his feet. “Let’s patrol a little longer, even if the thought of tacos twice in one week is very tempting.”

Peter laughed before pulling his mask back on. “We can still get tacos when we’re done. Provided you also promise to stop turning down jobs so you can follow me to and from work.”

“Okay.” Wade agreed, then pulled his own mask on. “But can I still follow you home when I’m in town?”

“Sure. If you go in civvies.” Spider-man laughed. “I don’t need people talking about me because there’s an enormous man dressed all in red following me around.”

Wade was better after that. And Peter decided if Wade could make compromises, so could he. He fit a headset into his suit that let him make calls quickly and added a tracking device that Deadpool could use to locate him. He knew Deadpool would die, repeatedly, before letting anyone get their hands on it.

When he showed Wade how to log into the system to access the tracker, Wade acted like a kid on Christmas morning. The only time he’d seen Wade this happy was the time they’d interrupted an arms deal and Wade got to go through crates of weapons. Which, okay, a little creepy. But who was Peter to comment when he got excited looking at microscopes and centrifuges? He could be just as deadly with his tools as Wade was with him. Didn’t make either of them murderous psychopaths.

Peter also started working to improve Wade’s self-esteem. Even though he was seriously outnumbered (Wade had eventually introduced him to both White and Yellow), he thought he was making headway. If nothing else, Yellow was now stopping Wade from too many negative comments because “Petey doesn’t like it.” It wasn’t the same thing as convincing Wade he wasn’t a monster, but he’d take the small step in the right direction.

And, okay, maybe Peter was also doing better too. Wade nagged him into sleeping sometimes, covered patrol for him so he could study without worrying, and made sure he got enough food. And introduced him into planning before attacking. It surprised him. The Merc seemed so chaotic, he’d assumed that the man just charged in with no plan. But, thinking about it, there was no way he became as well known as he was just because he couldn’t die. So, Deadpool was teaching him to sit back, evaluate, and plan before swinging in. 

Once they did jump in, the man was a fast talking, chaotic whirlwind. But he did plan first. 

Tonight, for example. They’d arrived at a burning apartment building. On his own, Spider-man would have just swung in and started pulling people out. Instead, Deadpool checked in with the Fire chief and got an update on who was where and any areas they knew still had people in. He passed the info on to Spider-man, who started at the top of the building, webbing people down to firemen. Deadpool joined the ground crew, heading into areas they didn’t trust to check for survivors.

It was going, well, not well, since people were getting injured and losing everything they owned, but at least they were saving people, when something on one of the upper levels exploded, taking out a huge section of that floor and causing a part of the roof to cave in.

Deadpool did not panic. Well, Yellow did, but Yellow often spent hours screaming about things anyhow. It was pretty much status quo; Deadpool and White just tuned Yellow out and focused on the matter on hand. Which was getting Peter, Spider-man, out of there.

He rushed out and asked the Captain where they’d seen Spider-man last. The Captain pointed at the section below the cave in, now blocked on one side. The other side was still open, but Deadpool could see flames blazing inside.

Deadpool groaned. This was going to _suck_. “Can you get me up there?” He asked.

The Captain looked at him like he was crazy. “You can’t go in that way.”

“I can. I’ve done worse.” Deadpool said. “If you can’t get me up there, I’ll have to try the stairs.”

The Captain shrugged. “Ladder can almost reach.”

“Okay. Let’s go.” Deadpool ran over to the closest ladder truck. The Captain following close behind. They got the ladder in position as quickly as possible. 

One fireman handed him a coat. When Wade looked at the man, he shrugged. “It’s fire resistant. Might help.” 

Wade slid it on. Fire resistant wasn’t really going to help, and they both knew it, but it was something at least.

The ladder got him within six feet of the window. He used an axe another man had handed him, jumped and hooked the window ledge, then hauled himself up hand over hand. 

The window wasn’t on fire, though flames were visible inside the room and the window itself had exploded from the heat. At least he didn’t have to break through it while hanging off an axe handle. He scrambled into the room and stood at the edge. “Spidey!” He yelled.

“Pool?” someone called back, coughing.

He pulled the coat up over his head and charged in the direction he had heard the voice. He burst through a wall of fire and came into another smoke filled room. It was hard to see, but he was sure Peter wasn’t in here. “Spidey!” He yelled, trying to locate a door. 

“Over here.” Spider-man called. 

“Okay. Right through that wall.” Wade shrugged. He could barely see, he didn’t have time to find doors. “Get away from the wall.” He yelled. He waited a few seconds, but couldn’t tell if anyone had moved. Hoping the wall was just drywall, he swung the axe hard, burying it in the wall. In seconds, he had a hole through the wall, then grabbed the drywall and yanked, bringing down a huge chunk. The insulation was ripped out easily, and a hard kick had him through the next wall.

The next room was closer to the cave in. Flaming studs were lying across the floor, and one wall was on fire. “Spidey!” Deadpool called.

He heard faint coughing and looked in that direction. Spider-man was pinned under a burning chunk of the floor, in an area that was filled with smoke.

Deadpool rushed over and grabbed the most solid looking piece of the floor and tried to pull it up. All it did was scorch through his gloves and burn his hands. It was too heavy to move.

He looked around the room. One stud had only burned slightly. He grabbed it and shove the end under the floor next to Spider-man. He needed something to put under it… He glanced around the room. It looked like he was in a living room. The only thing he saw that looked like it wouldn’t crush under the stud was another one. He grabbed a chunk of one that had snapped and shoved it near the braced end of the first stud. Then he shoved down on the other end of the first stud, shifting the floor up a few inches. Hanging off the bar, he reached down and grabbed Spider-man’s arm, pulling him out. The hero only moved a few inches. Wade yanked again and again until he had him far enough out to let go of the lever.

He looked back the way he’d come. The flames looked even worse. He took Spider-man’s web shooters, then stripped off the coat and wrapped Spider-man in it, fastening the web shooters on his own wrists. 

He grabbed the bundled hero up and worked his way back to the previous room. Took a little maneuvering to get through the narrow hole, but he made it without too many bangs. Now, just through the wall of flame and down the side of the building. He took a shallow breath (no point in breathing any more smoke than needed), ducked his head and charged through the flames, for once glad he didn’t have any hair. He could feel the flames melting his mask, but at least it didn’t burn. Hair would have gone up in flames.

The second trip through the flames convinced him that those coats really provided some serious protection. The first time through he’d been hot and miserable. This time was a lot worse. But he made it through. They got to the windows and called down to the Firemen below. One scrambled up the ladder as soon as they saw he was holding Spider-man. While the man rushed up, Deadpool used the web shooters to wrap Spidey in a quick harness. Then he leaned out and lowered the hero down until the fireman could grab him. While the hero was toted down the ladder, he used more web to lower himself down to the ladder, then descended as fast as he could.

By the time he got down, they had hauled Spider-man over to the ambulance. He was all set to yell, insisting they leave the hero’s mask on, but the medic just pulled his mask up enough to slip an oxygen mask on him. “How is he?” Deadpool asked. “He was talking when I got to him, but then he just…”

“Happens with smoke inhalation.” The medic said. “Pulse is fine, he’s breathing, I think he’ll be up and…”

“Pool?” Spider-man asked, trying to sit up.

“Right here, Spidey.” Deadpool said, helping him sit. “No, keep that on for right now.”

“How are you feeling?” The medic asked, checking Spider-man’s pulse again.

“Head hurts.” Spider-man said, then started coughing.

“That’ll probably happen for a while.” The medic said. “The smoke irritated your lungs and throat. Lots of fluids, avoid smoke, get some sleep.”

Spider-man nodded.

“And thanks.” The medic said. “To both of you. I had a lot less trauma to deal with, thanks to your help.” He patted Deadpool on the shoulder. “He should breathe that for a little longer. When he’s ready to go, he should be fine. I’m going to go check on my other patients.” And he walked off.

Deadpool stared after him, shocked. He couldn’t remember having anyone thank him before. He could hear Peter laughing, so he turned and looked at him in shock.

“You’re turning into a good guy.” Peter grinned. “Get used to it. Not everyone appreciates what we do, but some people do. And every once in a while someone is gonna thank you.”

Deadpool shook his head in confusion.

“Well, Pool, ready to go home? I’m not sure I’m up to tacos, but maybe ice cream?” Spider-man asked, removing the oxygen mask and pulling his mask down.

“Sounds good.” Deadpool grinned. 


	6. No 15. INTO THE UNKNOWN (Magical Healing | Science Gone Wrong)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And now it's Deadpool's turn...

Being Spider-man is not exactly a safe occupation. And the Parker luck doesn’t help. So, yeah, Peter gets hurt a lot. But Wade does, too. It’s just that Wade heals so fast, he’s usually healed by the time he gets home. And even when he’s not, he doesn’t see the point of doing anything about it. 

But Peter insisted. If Wade was going to patch Peter up, Wade better expect the same treatment from Peter. Not that it happens that often, but Peter insists. Wade thinks it’s because Peter wants to convince Wade he’s worthwhile. But the real reason is that Peter still panics a little every time Wade is hurt badly enough for the wounds to take long enough to heal for Peter to actual do something. He gets an icy feeling in his gut telling him that everyone leaves, and maybe this time is going to be when Wade leaves. To avoid thinking about that, he needs to do something. Probably the same reason Wade needs to do something every time he gets hurt.

He feels a little guilty; he knows that Wade won’t die. Wade doesn’t have that. Every time Peter ends up bashed up, Wade has to face the reality that someday Peter is going to die.

And the only solution on days like today, when Peter thinks too much about how much Wade means to him, is to get outside and swing around the city or fight bad guys until he’s too tired to worry about it. After all, Wade is his friend, and he’s going to be his friend no matter what. He doesn’t need to know about the huge crush Peter’s developed. 

Which is why Spider-man was out early, looking for something to fight. Deadpool was on a job with Shield, though he will be home later on. They made plans to have tacos together. Until then, though, he had to keep himself focused on something other than _feelings_.

Unfortunately, it’s early, and there wasn’t much going on. He tried to rescue a cat from a tree, but it dashed up further, ran out on a branch and easily leaped to the fire escape and rescued itself.

Part of him felt terrible for hoping something interesting would happen. Interesting things usually meant something bad happened to someone else. Aunt May would have been horrified to find out he hoped for bad things to happen just so he wasn’t bored. But before he could beat himself up too much about it, he heard sirens, and he was webbing off to see what was going on.

He helped stop a bank robbery by webbing up the thieves when they tried to flee the scene. He stopped a few muggings. And then he found a drug deal or maybe just a random meeting that turned to violence (he wasn’t going to ask why it got violent, he was just going to stop the conversation because the weapons came out.)

He was happy, keeping busy webbing up blades and people and definitely not thinking about anything other than where he needed to move and who was most likely to attack him next.

He didn’t notice at first that Deadpool arrived, mainly because the Merc was just leaning against a wall, watching. When he noticed, he snorted at the sight. “Too good to join us?” 

Deadpool stayed where he was, shrugging slightly. “You looked like you were having fun. Plus, I’m really enjoying the view.”

Spider-man snorted again and webbed up the last fighter. “Well, then, you get to call the police.” 

Deadpool laughed and pulled out his phone. He walked towards Spider-man, then suddenly lunged, grabbing Spider-man and yanking him to one side. Shocked, Spider-man didn’t even resist, crashing into the wall.

A _crack_ sounded, and Spider-man heard a bullet thudding into flesh. Deadpool jerked back, then he was rushing forward towards one of the webbed up men. Spider-man saw the man had pulled out a gun, and he webs the weapon away before the man can fire again.

Spider-man could see Deadpool stopped himself from doing anything more than punching the man. After all, the man hadn’t hit Spider-man, Deadpool had gotten him out of the way in time. But he still growled angrily at the man before turning back to the phone and calling the cops.

“Back to your place for dinner?” Spider-man asked, before webbing them to the roof.

“Sounds good.” Deadpool enthused. “I can get decent tacos delivered. You can’t.” 

“Not much of anything good gets delivered to my place.” Spider-man mourned. 

“You should move. I told you I have room.” Deadpool said.

Spider-man shook his head. “You already pay for most of my food. I’m not letting you pay for everything.”

Deadpool shook his head. “You’re destroying all my opportunities of becoming a sugar daddy.”

“Sorry Pool.” Spider-man laughed. “I didn’t realize that was your dream.”

“Now that you know, you willing to make my dream come true?” 

“Nope. Sorry. You’ll have to find another one.” Spider-man held out his arm. “Ready to go? Or too heartbroken over your crushed dream?”

“I’ll survive.” Deadpool groaned and grabbed on so they could swing back to his house.

When they got to the safe house, Deadpool rushed off to take a shower. Spider-man walked into the guest room and grabbed a change of clothes and changed into jeans and a tee shirt. They’d gotten into the habit of wearing ordinary clothes and no masks when they were relaxing. It was more comfortable, and kind of nice to be Peter and Wade and not have to worry about their alter egos. 

Wade came out in sweatpants, a tee shirt, and a hoodie. He was on his phone, finishing up his order. He flopped down onto the couch next to Peter and tossed the phone onto the table.

“So, what are we watching?” He asked.

Peter shrugged. “Up to you. I just want to relax and….” He stopped, staring at Wade. “Wade, you’re bleeding.”

Wade frowned and looked down. Sure enough, there was a blood spot slowly growing over his shoulder. “What the…” He pulled his hoodie, then his shirt off.

Peter crowded over, looking at it closely. “Wade, how come you’re not healing?”

Wade shook his head. “Don’t know.”

“Okay, well, we’re cleaning, checking for a bullet, and stitching you up. Then you’re telling me everything about this last job.” Peter stood and grabbed Wade’s uninjured arm. “Let’s go.”

Wade followed him, but kept staring at his shoulder, looking betrayed.

Peter cleaned the wound, removed the bullet, and put in two stitches.

They finished just in time to answer the door and get their taco order, then settled on the couch.

“So. Spill.” Peter said.

Wade shrugged. “Was just sneaking around a lab. Shield suspected it belonged to Hydra and wanted me to get proof of what was going on. Stole a few vials and some journals, and brought everything back to Fury.” He shrugged.

“Did you see anyone? Get injected with anything?” Peter asked.

Wade took a huge bite of his taco and shook his head. “Nothing.”

Peter grimaced at him. “Do you need to eat with your mouth that full?” 

Wade grinned, displaying even more of the half chewed food in his mouth.

“Forget I asked.” Peter groaned.

Wade swallowed and wiped his mouth on his hand. “No. The labs were all empty. One of the most boring jobs I’ve ever been on.” 

“No aliens or angry witches?” Peter pressed.

“No. The only not boring thing that happened was when a cat jumped onto the desk I was searching and knocked over a rack of test tubes.”

Peter frowned. Then grabbed his phone. 

“Who ya callin’ Petey?” Wade waited until he’d finished the question before taking another huge bite.

“Fury.” Peter dialed, then spoke to several underlings before they finally put him through to Fury. He knew it was another one of their little tactics to get Peter to join, but if he’d been in a huge rush he would have had Wade call.

“Spider-man.” Fury sounded curious. “How can we help you?”

“Have you done any research on the vials and documents Deadpool dropped off today?”

“How did you… Oh.” Fury broke off. “He should know better than to talk about his jobs to someone without the correct clearance.”

“He didn’t. But I knew he was doing a job today, and now he’s not healing. Looks like he got dosed with the same stuff I did earlier. Remember, _I_ sent _you_ the information on it, without worrying about your clearance.” His voice was flat. If they were going to act like assholes, he wasn’t above playing the same game.

Fury cleared his throat. “Yes. Well… In that case. Please hold on.” Then put Peter on hold.

Wade looked at him, raising one brow.

“They’re trying to prove to me why I should join.” Peter growled. “I’m so tired of that.”

“You’re so hot when you’re on the warpath.” Wade grinned. 

“Spider-man.” The voice on the other end of the phone wasn’t Fury.

“Yes,” Peter replied. “To whom am I speaking?”

“This is Phil Coulson. Fury transferred you down to me because two of my agents are currently working through the items Deadpool retrieved from the labs. He says that Deadpool is not healing?”

“Yes. I was wondering if he was exposed to something similar to the chemical substance I sent you the information on earlier.”

“One moment, I’ll check with FitzSimmons.” Spider-man could hear two excited scientists talking over each other to Coulson. He couldn’t remember the exact chemical makeup, but they were saying it was very similar but modified to make it absorbed through the skin, and no longer requiring injection.

“Spider-man, they feel that it’s…” Coulson started.

Peter interrupted him. “I heard. Can you ask them if they increased the toxicity or duration? And do any of the documents mention an antidote?” He tried hard to ignore the cold feeling in the pit of his stomach. What if this was permanent?

More excited talking. The consensus seemed to be that the potency was elevated, but the duration was still extremely limited.

“Did you understand that?” Coulson asked when the two scientists came to a stop.

“Yeah. Sounds like we just have to wait this out.” Peter replied.

“Do you want to bring him in, just for security purposes?” Coulson asked.

“No, I think we’ll be fine. We’d be at a bigger risk making a big deal of this.” Peter said. “Thanks. We’ll keep you updated.” He hung up and leaned back on the couch.

Peter turned and looked at Wade. “When the cat knocked stuff over, you must have gotten some on you. They changed the formula so to be absorbed through the skin. But FitzSimmons, whoever he is, says other than that the formula is pretty much the same. You should be fine before too long.”

Wade shrugged. “Okay.”,

Peter glared at him. “Okay?” 

“Yeah?” Wade looked at him, surprised. “I can wait.”

Peter growled.

“You okay?” Wade asked. “Are you unhappy that it’s going to wear off?”

Peter frowned. Why _was_ he so angry? Wade was going to be fine. He should be relieved. Not furious. He sighed. “I…” He stopped talking. What was he going to say? _I_ Or maybe _I can’t help it. I love you_. Yeah. He couldn’t say that. He’d just mess up their friendship, and he really didn’t think he could survive if that happened.

Wade raised a brow at him. “You?”

Peter shook his head and grinned. “Nothing. I was just worried.” 

Wade tossed him a taco. “Well, since we have to stay in tonight, have a taco and pick something for us to watch.”


End file.
